"There's no place like home!"

A Look Back At July By-the-Numbers

# of times I accidentally locked the triplets in the van in our driveway underneath the sweltering Florida sun: 1

# of police/firemen/emt it took to unlock triplets from the van: 1

# of police/firemen/emt who showed up to watch triplets get unlocked from the van while scratching their balls and surreptitiously eyeing me to make sure I wasn't some whacked out unfit mother: 8

# of times LaLa pooped: 7

# of times I had to put something up LaLa to get him to poop: 7

# of days Grandma took to her bed in mourning over the loss of the woman with a heart of gold who she's known for 45 years and without whose "incredible generosity your brother would never have survived his babyhood and I never would have been able to feed my first three children (sniff).": 1

# of days Grandma took to her bed in mourning over Michael "no-I-am-not-sad-for-him-I-feel-for-his-MUUUUDER!" Jackson (sniff, sniff, sniff): 9

# of diapers changed: 558

# of Ambien pills swiped from Grandma so I could get some @#$%! sleep already!: 5

# of times Grandpa misplaced his hearing aid and/or car keys and suggested we "shake the babies just to be sure": 6

# of times Grandma suggested I seek residence in a homeless shelter: 4

# of times I thought she was serious: 1

# of times I seriously considered matricide: 120

And a bonus, y'all.....

Worst Line to Use in Trying to Hit on Cute Policelady Who Is Trying to Rescue the Triplets You Locked In Your Van Underneath the Sweltering Florida Sun
"Hey there, were you the same police officer who showed up here last time when....uh, I mean...oh, never mind."