Pow-Pow Panky Butt and the Troops of Rage

PB&J and milk for lunch and I join them at the little red table in the playroom. If I breathe slowly enough and take small bites and bend my legs to the side to relieve the cramp starting in my calf from sitting at this ridiculously low to the ground table maybe I'll make the rage go away. This scream that is gathering all the pieces of itself in my gut and marching it's way, hup-two-three-four-left-right-left-right-left, up past my chest through the tunnel of my throat and about to barge out of every hole in my head. Like a cartoon character, I'm about to turn into a steam engine and BLOW. THE. FUCK.

UP.

SKINNY gets up from her chair, the red one and stands by me. Half her sandwich is gone. So is most of her milk. "Pow-pow panky?" she asks.

What?

"Pow-pow panky?"

Oh.

No. No spanking for you.

It's that kind of day so far. A Monday morning full of promise, a trip to the library for toddler story time, and then an unraveling... a spanking, a few trips to time out, and several threats of spanking. Lefffft-right. Left-right-left.

Just sit back down and finish your sandwich but she shakes her head.

"Pow-pow panky butt!"

I raise an eyebrow.

"Pow-pow panky butt?"

Wait. You mean...you WANT a spanking?

She smiles. She nods.

I stutter. Uh, you didn't....I don't....why?

"Pow-pow panky butt!" Now it's BLUE who's gotten up from his chair and come to join his sister by my side. He repeats the request, turning his backside to me for emphasis.

And somewhere down below Rage starts to retreat.

Okay, then, um...first finish your sandwich and then I will give you a spanking.

I look at my sister across the room. She shrugs, covers her laugh with her hand. I bite my lip and watch BLUE and SKINNY return to their sandwiches, take a bite, and come back to me.

"Pow-pow panky butt!"

I'll make you a deal. You eat ALL of your sandwich and drink ALL of your milk and THEN mommy will give you a nice spanking on the butt! You too, SWOOSH. You can get in on this action.


Only it takes a good bit of time to make this proposition what with the hiccuping laughter and the tears coming down my face. And stopping to make sure their own hiccuping laughs don't cause them to choke on their sandwiches.

And they finish their lunches while bringing teddy bears and stuffed snakes and Happy Meal toys to me for their spankings - no transgressions needed - and then walking them over to the time out chair and laughing, laughing, laughing.

We end the first part of our day on a high note, just the way we started it before whatever it was in the middle of the morning sounded the alarm for the troops of rage to start gathering.

Mommy broke her word, no pow-pow panky butts after lunch. They went down for naps easy-peasy. And Mommy gets to contemplate once again why it's so much better to focus emotional and mental energy on the good and the silly and let the troops march on by with nary a salute.

Leffft-right. Left-right-left.