Be on the Lookout

7:30pm Saturday

Chief of Police of Tripletville is asking your help tonight in apprehending a tiny person believed to have committed a mildly violent yet thoroughly unprovoked attack on a stunned victim. The Chief, who also goes by the name "Papa," said that at about 7:15pm tonight the suspect was being carried to his cell by the victim when he suddenly arched his back, let out an ear piercing scream, and dug his nails into the victim's neck. Startled, the victim, who also answers to the names "WAAAHHHHHH!" and "Mommy," set down the suspect who then proceeded to scale a 2 foot high gate and disappear down a darkened corridor.

The suspect is described as an African-American male with the cutest curly brown afro, stunning green eyes, and slight knock-knees. He stands approximately 32 inches tall and weighs 24.5 pounds. He was last seen dressed in an adorable gray and red striped cotton jumper and white socks. The suspect answers to the names "Blue," "Lala," "Houdini," and "Jeeee-sus noooooo, put that down!"

Police are warning the public not to approach the suspect as he is armed with 8 teeth and is not afraid to use them. If any citizen is cornered by the suspect they are asked to remain calm, do not make eye contact, protect all body parts below the knees, and distract the suspect by singing "Ring around the Rosey" forty or fifty or sixty times until help arrives or the citizen is rendered insane.

The police have set out traps along the perimeter of Tripletville with items that the suspect finds irresistible. The traps include a television remote control, a cellular telephone, an electric socket, several cubes of cheese, seedless green grapes cut in half, and some random bits of crap. The Chief announced that the search will be called off at precisely 9:30pm as the victim reports that the suspect has not been able to remain conscious past that point for several months now.

The public is to rest assured that no harm will come to them after 9:30pm but are to remain alert in the early morning hours as the suspect is known to come to at precisely 4:26am to make certain unreasonable demands of "WAAAHHHHHH!" If anyone hears this call to "WAAHHHHHH!" they are instructed to roll a sippy cup of milk (lactose free only) to the suspect, toss him a size 4 Luvs diaper, and contact "WAAHHHHHH" immediately.

Your cooperation is appreciated.