Don't Worry, Be Happy

So, I am getting ready to go home and see the munchkins...in four days. Grandma says I won't believe how much they have grown. Grandpa says they are the happiest he has ever witnessed any children. This is because Grandma and Grandpa are trying to be helpful but obviously don't have a damn clue what NOT to say to a Mommy who was reluctant being so far away for so long.

Anyway, I'm happy to say I've gotten a bunch of writing on a bunch of projects done. ('Done' as in I got writing accomplished not 'done' as in anything is finished. As if.) I am also happy to say that I have made a decision regarding being a long-distance mommy for the sake of an income. I have nixed the idea. Yay! Now, considering I will be going back to scrounging for diaper money, you may wonder why I am so happy. It's because during my self-imposed exile, I have had time to do a lot of self-therapy. And I have made a potentially monumentally life-altering decision (drum roll please): I am going to wake up every day and (1) not worry about money and (2) be happy. WHOA!!!

I know what those of you who know me personally are thinking: Yeah, right, how long will that last? Well, I don't know how long it will last but I sure am going to give it a go and here is why: In the past nineteen months of my babies' lives none of the things that I have worried the most about have come to pass. My babies have never missed a meal. My babies have never wanted for medical care. My babies have never gone naked (well, not for lack of clothing - only for the apparent desire to start a nudist colony in grandma's guest room). I have never had to march them out to the far reaches of the backyard for their daily crap to save on diapers (okay, just once...as an experiment - one gone horribly awry I might add...)

But this is what I have experienced in the past nineteen months: more doubled-over, can't catch my breath, almost peed myself laughter than in the first thirty-six years of living. More smiling-so-much-my-face-hurts and feeling-like-my-heart-will-swell-til-it-bursts moments than I thought were possible in one life. And what have I sacrificed? My waist-line (boo friggin' hoo, black girls look good fat anyway, dontcha know?) My obsession with moi (no so much sacrificed as pushed ever so slightly left of center). Sleep...okay there is no silver lining there, it just sucks. But still my point is good: I am an abundantly blessed woman.

And because this abundantly blessed woman is also a selfish beeyotch, she'd like more of these happy moments, not less. So, I am giving up worrying and depression to make room for more laughter and play. After all, although my triplets might not remember this time in their lives, I will. I would rather not look back and see long stretches of misery and hand-wringing that I brought upon myself. (I suppose when it comes to misery and hand-wringing brought on by others I'll just have to deal.) I would rather not look back and see long periods of separation from my children. I'd rather look back and see things like this:

Oh, did you say DON'T climb into the dishwasher and lick knives?

As soon as you walk away with that camera I'm gonna do something I shouldn't - like climb into the dishwasher and lick knives. HeeHeeHee.

No, really, it tastes better this way!